Did You Choose To Come To Earth? Did You Choose Your Parents?


You might have heard the phrase which has now become a cliche of ‘you chose your parents’ or ‘you chose to come to Earth.’ Is this true for you? For the last 10 years, I’ve been actively working in the spiritual community, and I have found that not every soul chooses. What I have found is that there are typically 5 ways a spirit incarnates onto Earth. Now, I’m not saying we are limited to 5 reasons…as I’m sure there are more. However, in listing these five my hope is that it will bring clarity to some.

1. We did choose. In situations like this, a spirit did choose the family to be born into. Many have reported remembering the decision spontaneously as an in-between life memory, some through a near-death experience, others through mediation or regression. That said, a spirit might choose the family for one person and not all members in the family. For example, two spirits might want to be siblings in a life but are not really connected with the parents or a spirit might choose the grandparents and have little to no connection with the siblings. So, if you’ve ever heard “you chose them” and you don’t feel that way about someone who was abusive or you didn’t get along with, that might be because you didn’t choose them. But rather, they just came along with whoever was the main person your spirit wanted to connect with in this life. Another example of this would be a Daddy’s girl who gets along brilliantly with her Dad, but doesn’t with her Mom. I can personally attest to choosing a family for certain family members and the other family members not having any great importance to me.

2. We were guided. I’ve heard from many children that they were “guided” by a spirit guide, angel or ancestor to the family for their next incarnation. The conversation between the guide(s) and the soon to be incarnated spirit differs for each spirit, but many say that the guide said the family would help with learning a life lesson, or the family had asked for a child, or the spirit is there to teach the family a life lesson. When it is the incarnated spirit’s duty to help the family get a life lesson, it can be a very hard experience to go through, such as an empathic spirit being born into a family that is emotionally numb or emotionally abusive.

3. We were forced. I’ve heard from a few that God/Goddess told them they had to come back even if they felt they didn’t want to. In situations like this, these children often have behavior issues or always have a longing to leave. Now, I don’t know all the reasons why God/Goddess will send a spirit back to Earth, but some have said it was to help someone who was living and others have reported that it was because they didn’t finish their work or learn a life lesson.

4. Karmic Cycle. Some religions and spiritual beliefs say that we are stuck in a neverending cycle or incarnations until we learn a life lesson or clear our karma. In situations like this, the belief is that we don’t choose our family but our previous deeds dictate which family and circumstances we are born into.

5. We’re Here To Just Enjoy The Ride. In situations like this, the spirit comes to Earth just to be here again but isn’t bound to Earth for Karmic reasons, life lessons or anything other than to just experience life in a body once more.

I have also heard that a spirit felt like the family chose them or it was their first incarnation, so they didn’t get to choose but instead were ‘placed’ in a family by a guide or God/Goddess. In order to find out what it is for you, I suggest meditating and using a divination. Asking yourself in meditation or asking a divination, “did I choose this family and if so why” is a great way to get clarity on why you are here.

Lastly, I urge everyone to not use the statement “well, you chose it” as a way to dismiss and diminish someone’s suffering and pain. I’ve seen and heard it used repeatedly in an emotionally abusive way. Many adults say things like ‘you chose me as your parent’ as a way to justify their poor behavior and avoid taking responsibility. Others in the spiritual community use the phrase to invalidate what someone is feeling and sharing or also to evade showing compassion. Really, when someone says “welp, you chose it so you have nothing to complain about,’ they are not being emotionally present for the other person. Decide to instead empathize, validate and accept what people say…otherwise you might just not get the life lesson of being compassionate and get stuck in a karmic cycle. =D I’m obviously joking about being stuck in a karmic cycle. Really, choose not to say those invalidating statements because there is no room in your being to be anything other than a loving, compassionate and accepting soul.

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